Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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