I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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