I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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