at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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