I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
