I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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