We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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