my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
