i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
