At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
