I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
