It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
