Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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