Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Randomize
