Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(205): View more from Alabama

soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out

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(210): View more from Texas

I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.

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(519): View more from Ontario

I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup

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(949): View more from California

I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.

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(205): View more from Alabama

Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.

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(301): View more from Maryland

Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood

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(713): View more from Texas

Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?

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