I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
