My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
