The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
