I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
