And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
