I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
