this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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