I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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