Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
