i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
