I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
