So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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