oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I lost the right to judge tonight
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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