Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
