she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
