So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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