exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize