Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
