Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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