paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
