Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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