omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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