His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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