Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
