Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
