Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
