Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
