I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
