You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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