just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
