Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
