I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
We were destined to go to rehab together
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
