I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
