so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
