Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
