I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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