I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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