Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
