so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
