i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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