this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Randomize
