So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
