She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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