how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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