It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
