you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
pray to the hookup gods
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
