More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
