Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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