i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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