Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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