I will die if light touches me.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
