shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
God I need to hump something, right now.
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