duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
