his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
