capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize