Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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