Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
