Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
